We all have our limits, and I would be the first to say it’s important to go beyond them, for that is the only way we can grow. However, like everything else in life, it’s important to do things in moderation. For example, if you are finding it hard to be around people, don’t go to a concert where there are 100,000 people screaming! Instead, find a quieter place that allows you to ease into a social environment. Concerts can be extremely overwhelming for many HSPs.
People can be very demanding, See lesson 4 on Traits. Especially people with less sensitivity than us HSPs. They often take more than they give and this impacts many HSPs greatly. As HSPs, we are very kind-natured, meaning we have a hard time saying no. One possible reason is that we feel rejection deeply, so rejecting others is something we tend not to be very comfortable with because we believe everyone feels the same way. Sadly, most don’t, they just brush it off as if nothing ever happened, while we would stand there thinking they just don’t care.
This is often a hard lesson to learn, but a very important one as its value can not be understated. I’m not suggesting you say ‘no’ to everyone, for it must be applied appropriately, and that’s what makes it a hard lesson to learn. It’s ok to say “No, I can not help you” without apologizing for it. What complicates this lesson is the fact that you will feel guilty saying no, and guilt for an HSP is devastating at times. Learning to say no, while not feeling guilt is also a challenge we HSPs face, see upcoming Lesson 21 – Weakness or Challenge posting soon. Practicing this is like the concert scenario at the beginning, start off small and work your way up. Tell yourself you have done nothing wrong by saying ‘no.’ The more you practice, the easier it will become.
The first thing I did was I sat down and wrote a list of the things that I felt overwhelmed me. I then looked at each one carefully and tried to understand exactly where my limits laid. Again, if you find it hard being around people, and have identified that, ask yourself this question: “what is your limit?” Is it one, two, ten, twenty-five, or more? Or maybe it’s a certain trait in people, read lesson 4 – Traits. From here, I learned it was the takers whom I had a hard time saying no to, but once I learned how to identify them, it became easier for I also learned that they are good at their trade of taking. Knowing what tactics they use goes a long way to building a defense.
No matter what is limiting you, find out what it actually is. Then start to work slowly at building a plan on how to increase your limit without giving up or giving in on yourself, remember nobody is setting a time limit.
The reward of doing this is an amazing life. I have been able to travel the world as an HSP using the lessons I have taught myself. You too, can do amazing things, one step at a time.